Ray's musings and humor

Good Morning Everyone

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

Buddha

! 000 Dropping-Into-Say-Good-Morning

I have had some internal health problems for the last couple of days that has kept me down. No energy but at least I have avoided the hospital so far. I have hated to miss my scheduled activities but resting has been good. I am not really up to doing another Daily so here is what we published fourteen years ago on March 5, 2001

~~~

Today is Custom Chief’s Day in Vanuatu. I bet you are really ready to celebrate.

~~~

OK, today let’s all:

*Strive for excellence, not perfection.*

*Be on time.*

*Don’t criticize anyone for 24 hours.*

*Be kind to other people.*

*Be even kinder to unkind people.*

~~~

A t-shirt on the back of a passing motorcyclist said if “You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off.”

~~~

There really is a difference

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

~~~

“Don’t ya just hate it when you see one of those road signs that says ‘Draw Bridge Ahead’ and you don’t have a pencil.”

~~~

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Nancy, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.

The boss pressed on, “Who told you that you could come and go as you please around here ?”

Nancy simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, ….”My lawyer.”

~~~

A diplomat is a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

~~~

David was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife.  He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

“David!!  David!!  Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today.  What do you suggest?”

David put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two minutes of silence?”

~~~

Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?

~~~

Chet: How does Wilma like being pregnant, Bert?

Bert: She’s not “pregnant.” She’s “expecting.”

Chet: Oh!

Bert: She’s expecting me to do more housework. She’s expecting me to cook dinner. She’s expecting me to rub her feet, etc.

~~~

I asked a girl what her sign was, and she said “Stop”.

~~~

From Frances:

What a Difference 30 yrs. makes:

1970: Long hair, 2000: Longing for hair.

1970: The perfect high. 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1970: KEG. 2000: EKG

1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux

1970: Moving to California because its cool. 2000: Moving to California because its warm.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems. 2000: Roughage.

1970: Paar. 2000: AARP

1970: Killer weed. 2000: Weed killer

1970: Hoping for BMW. 2000: Hoping for BM.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. 2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones. 2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principals office. 2000: Calling the principal’s office.

1970: Peace sign. 2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. 2000: Children begging you to get their head shaved.

1970: Passing the drivers test. 2000: Passing the vision test.

1970: “Whatever.” 2000: “Depends.”

~~~

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway

~~~

Taking up painting, an asylum inmate worked for weeks on his masterpiece.  When he finally showed it to asylum doctors, they were stunned.  The canvas was entirely blank.

“Ummmm, yeah, it’s lovely,” said one psychiatrist, “but, er…what is it?”

“Why,” the inmate proudly replied, “it is a painting of the exodus from Egypt.”

“I see,” said another doctor.  “Actually, what I don’t see is the Red Sea.”

“Ah,” said the inmate, “it’s been parted…driven back, as it says in the Old Testament.”

“And the Israelites?”

“They have already passed through.”

“And what of the Egyptians?” demanded another.

“Are you blind?”  said the artist, growing indignant. “They haven’t arrived yet!”

~~~

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

~~~

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn’t have any change for a reward.”

~~~

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do NOT care who gets the credit.”

Harry S. Truman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Please tell them thanks

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

! 000 Being my friend

I have written a lot lately about how important I think are friends are to making our lives more enjoyable. Unfortunately many of us don’t let our friends know often enough how much we appreciate them. Rather than me going on I would like to share with you excerpts a list Angel Chernoff wrote, here is what she offers:

Things We Forget To Thank Our Best Friends For

  • “Thank you for making so many ordinary moments, extraordinary.” – Yes, sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary, just by doing them with the right people.
  • “Thank you for telling me the truth.” – Remember, being honest might not always get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones.  Too many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Best friends tell each other the truth, always.
  • “Thank you for talking things out with me.” – Lots of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other. So always communicate clearly with those closest to you, even when it’s uncomfortable and uneasy.
  • “Thank you for not getting in the way of the other important parts of my life.” – A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your happiness, your other important relationships, your dreams, or your dignity.
  • “Thank you for being compassionate.” – Let their kindness and compassion remind you to pay it forward. Always give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.
  • “Thank you for the compliments.” – It’s nice to be complimented, isn’t it?  Do not miss a chance – not one single, tiny opportunity – to tell someone you care about how wonderful they are and how beautiful they are, inside and out.
  • “Thank you for making time for me.” – When you are important to another person, they will always find a way to make time for you – no excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.
  • “Thank you for knowing when something is wrong with me.” – An incredible thing happens when we pay close attention to each other. We help each other heal, sometimes before we even hurt.  A person who truly knows and loves you – a best friend – is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face.
  • “Thank you for not acting, judging, or treating me like you know me better than I know myself.” – Nuff said.
  • “Thank you for supporting my decisions.” – Don’t listen to those who tell you exactly what to do. Listen to those special few who encourage you to do what you already know in your heart is right.
  • “Thank you for being there through good times and bad.” – The people who stick by you at your worst, deserve to enjoy being with you at your best.  In fact, the best thing about the toughest days of your life is that you get to see who your true friends really are.  The people truly worthy of “best friend” status are the ones that help you through hard times, and laugh with you after the hard times pass.  (Read The Friendship Factor.)
  • “Thank you for actually wanting to be there for me.” – True friendship is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations.  What best friends do for each other should be done because they care and because they want to do them. 
  • “Thank you for believing in me.” – It’s amazing how far you are willing to go when someone believes in you.
  • “And most of all, thank you for being YOU.”

~~~

Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.

Ralph Marston

~~~

Cooking Definitions

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,” and “sluDGE.”

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in the oven.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

~~~

“No one needs a smile as much as a person who fails to give one.”

~~~

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.

“Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said.  “We’re not hurt.”

Mary continued to cry.  “I’m not scared,” she responded between sobs. “I’m happy ’cause this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”

~~~

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press “1” 18,000 times.

~~~

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.  He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?”

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?” the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”

“Yes,” came the answer.

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be t! here watching over the child.

“Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.

“Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A hello copper,” answered the whispering voice. “What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello copper.”

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, “Me.”

~~~

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

Thornton Wilder

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.

Rod McKuen

 ! 000 bestfriendsquotes

I know most of you know that my favorite hobby is collecting friends. You also know that some friends are with you for years while others are with you only a short time but often leave great memories behind. The last few days have reminded me of how important they people I have met are to the quality of my life.

Last week I bussed with some fellow members of my generation to Wabash Indiana and discovered that the good life is alive and well in this very nice city. Its history is amazing, its people very nice and what it has to offer is truly special. We stayed at the Charlie Creek Inn one of the finest boutique hotels I have ever visited and I have stayed at many. This 30 room hotel has large and beautifully furnished rooms and amenities that pleased. We also visited Wabash’s huge performing arts center where we saw the Tony award winning show the Millionaire Quartet performed by the touring national company. What made this trip especially pleasant was that I got to share the experience with my wife and friends

Yes there is a lot out there for us to see and do, but it gets even better when you get to share the experience with a friend. I have learned that we should always be ready to make a new friend. Here are tips from Inspire 21 on how you can do that

Make New Friends

  1. Don’t worry about knowing people, just make yourself worth knowing.
  2. Be friendly with the folks you know. If it weren’t for them you would be a total stranger.
  3. Friends are those who speak to you after others don’t.
  4. The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.
  5. The way to have friends is to be willing to lose some arguments.
  6. Deal with other’s faults as gently as if they were your own.
  7. A friend is a person who can step on your toes without messing your shine.
  8. You will never have a friend if you must have one without faults.
  9. You can make more friends by being interested in them than trying to have them be interested in you.
  10. A real friend is a person who, when you’ve made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it.
  11. A friend is a person who listens attentively while you say nothing.
  12. A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

… and most important… A FRIEND IS A TREASURE!

~~~

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s  office.  “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked.  “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience.  Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.”

“Well,” the young man replied, “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

~~~

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

~~~

“Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?” asked the Sunday school teacher.  All the eager three-year-olds raised their hands except Tommy.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.  My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school.”

~~~

Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

~~~

A manager has to take on some sport by his doctor so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.

“It’s going fine”, the manager says, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!”

“Really? What happens then?” the girl asks enthusiastic.

“Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!”

~~~

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

~~~

HELLO,            I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN

There’s some things you need to know. Soon as I remember I’ll tell you what they are.

  • I’m the Life of the Party …….even when it lasts ’till 7pm. However, I’m Usually interested in goin’ home long before I get to where I’m goin’.
  • I’m Smilin’ all the time, cause I can’t hear a word you’re sayin’.
  • I’m also good at tellin’ Stories…… over and over and over again!
  • I’m for Sure aware that other people’s Grandchildren aren’t as bright as mine.
  • Ever noticed that they’re making Adults much Younger these days?
  • I’m walking more …..(to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
  • I’m the first one to find that bathroom wherever I go.
  • I’m sure everything I can’t find, is in a secure place.
  • I’m a walking storeroom of facts ….. I’ve just misplaced the storeroom.
  • I’m in the *Initial* state of my Golden Years: SS, Cd’s, IRA’s, AARP
  • I’m supporting all movements now….by eating bran, prunes, raisins & chuggin’ Geritol.
  • I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care, and Medicare!
  • I’m not Grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, politicians…..
  • I’m a Senior Citizen and I’m told I’m having the time of my Life!

~~~

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

~~~

The kids said:

Home is where the house is.  –Age 6

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. –Age 13

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Don’t you think it is about time you audited my return?” or “Isn’t it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?”  –Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.  –Age 15

~~~

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.

Francesco Guicciardini

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Be affectionate

A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.

Denis Waitley

! 000 appreciate-you

I have been thinking a lot lately about the word affection. It is defined in the dictionary as: a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something. It does not in itself mean romantic love. To me it describes one of the great gifts given to us as humans, the ability to appreciate and care unconditionally.

I know for me it starts with people I am close to that I hold in high regard, it also includes many who I don’t know well but appreciate who they are and what they do. I also have affection for the kids I will never meet but who benefit from the many people I know who do something special to make their lives a little better.

I also have affection for feel good movies, entertaining theatrical productions and the like. But most of all I truly appreciate acts of kindness and caring. My life is brightened each day by the joy created by so many and I like the idea that my affection for them implies nothing more than knowing that without them our days would be dreary.

I feel truly sorry for those who do not have affection in their hearts. Those with the inability to reach out and say thank you to others for just being themselves are destined to lead lonesome and unhappy lives.

So my friends I want each of you to know I think you’re special and I have an affectionate appreciation of all of you. Thanks for being you.

Here are some things to appreciate in others offered by Lori Deschene that I really appreciate in people I know.

The Good Things You Do for Other People

  1. You have good intentions.
  2. You accept people for who they are and try to keep an open mind.
  3. You make people laugh, whether you have a dry humor, an acerbic wit, or a caricature-like personality.
  4. You listen to the people when they need an ear.
  5. You’re compassionate toward other people.
  6. You make selfless decisions to look out for the people you love, even if not always.
  7. You forgive people when they make mistakes, even if sometimes it’s hard.
  8. You vocalize it when you notice something you value, admire, or appreciate in someone else.
  9. You help other people reach their potential.
  10. You’re honest with people, even if sometimes vulnerability feels scary.

The Good Things You Do for the World

  1. You care about your work, or something you do outside it, and you do it passionately.
  2. You want to make a difference.
  3. You vote to create positive change.
  4. You recycle to preserve our natural resources.
  5. You choose not to litter.
  6. If you’re a parent, you’re shaping the next generation.
  7. You give back, whether that means volunteering, donating old clothes, or simply helping a stranger in need.
  8. You call for help when you see something potentially hazardous.
  9. You teach something valuable to someone every day, whether you realize it or not.
  10. You make positive changes in yourself—and being the change you want to see is the best way to change the world.

~~~

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.

Jackson Brown, Jr.

~~~

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

…….”Doctor, I have an ear ache.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”

1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”

1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”

1920 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”

1975 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”

2004 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

~~~

“It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.”

John Andrew Holmes

~~~

A young man entered the company’s Human Resources Department and handed the executive his application. After reviewing the papers the executive noticed that the applicant had been fired from every job he had ever had.

“Young man,” the executive said, “I’ve looked over your work history and it is terrible. You have been fired from every job!”

“Yes,” replied the applicant.

“There really isn’t anything very positive in that,” said the executive.

“Well, at least I’m not a quitter!” the young man replied.

~~~

“Be nice and smile to everyone you meet. You don’t know what they are going through, and they may need that smile. And treasure it.”

Christine M. Huppert

~~~

Allan King told about the time he had a theft at his home. When he filed an insurance claim it was turned down. Naturally he was upset and wanted to know why they turned it down since he had his fire and theft insurance for years. The insurance company responded that he should have bought a fire or theft policy, not fire and theft, then he would have been covered.

~~~

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

~~~

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.”

“That’s nothing compared to what my Anna does for me,” declared Mrs. Jones proudly. “Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house.”

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. “Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody.”

“So what does she do?” asked the two women, turning to her.

“Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour – just to talk about me!”

~~~

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

Harold Kushner

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Make your dreams come true

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Leon J. Suenes

 ! 000 dreams_come_true

Good morning all. I hope your week has been as good as mine has been. As an example many of my friends have donated items to be auctioned off by my Kiwanis Club to help us meet the needs of children who have little and appreciate that someone cares. I participated in a meeting the other day with folks from my favorite University and OASIS my favorite senior organization as they planned a stage production for next fall that will showcase how we can turn dreams into reality as we build a better community for tomorrow. And then a couple of days ago I learned that one of my granddaughters had won the Ivy League’s All-around Gymnastics Championship last weekend and was named Gymnast of the Week by the Eastern College Athletic Conference.

And the week is not done yet as I will be on special assignment tomorrow on what I am lead to believe will be a beneficial experience. I am going to give my computer the day off so it can enjoy a three day weekend, that means there will not be another Daily until next Monday.

In the meantime let me leave you with a poem that I wish the unhappy folks we hear around us every day would read and start to find peace in their hearts.

Life Still Has A Meaning

by Author Unknown

If there is a future there is time for mending-

Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.

Life is never hopeless however great your sorrow-

If you’re looking forward to a new tomorrow.

If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-

When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.

Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-

If there is time for praying there is time for healing.

So if through your window there is a new day breaking-

Thank God for the promise, though mind and soul be aching,

If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-

There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.

~~~

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

Dr. Dale Turner

~~~

Sol and Ben are opening a new fish store, and they are sitting down to sketch out the sign. Ben draws “FRESH FISH SOLD HERE TODAY”. The guy in the sign shop tells them he charges $30 a letter, and the two entrepreneurs go home to talk it over.

Sol says, “We don’t need TODAY — of course they’re for sale today.” Ben agrees and says, “HERE? Where else would we be selling fish?” and they agree to delete that word, too. Sol thinks a minute and says. “SOLD we don’t need. It’s a store, they come in they’ll see a cash register, they’ll know,” and Ben strikes that word out, too.

The sign now says FRESH FISH. Ben shakes his head. “Of course FRESH. Would we be selling stale fish?” and they cross that word out. The sign now says FISH, and Sol crumples up the paper. “We’ll leave the door open, they’ll smell and they’ll know we have fish,” he says as Ben nods. “Already, before we open, we’ve saved over $600.”

~~~

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?

~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

Little Johnny says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

~~~

A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

~~~

Grandma’s on the net again, the kitchen’s not her home,

She used to make us cherry pies, and call us on the phone.

She would talk to us for hours; now she leaves us all alone.

We miss her homemade biscuits, and I’ll make this little bet,

If you want to contact Grandma, you’ll have to surf the net.

Grandma’s surfing on the net, you bet.

She is surfing on the net.

We’ve been calling her all morning, and we haven’t got her yet.

She’s on the E-mail network, with her electronic friends.

If you want to talk to grandma, you’ll have to surf the net.

She’s never surfed at Malibu, or caught a wave at Waikiki,

She’s never seen a surfboard: hang ten doesn’t mean a thing.

She’s never met a beach-bum–Noon Doggie is just a pup.

But when she heads for her computer, you know the surf is up.

Grandma’s getting older and her eyes are getting dim,

Her random access memory, is half of what its been.

When Saint Peter comes to call someday, she’ll say I can’t go yet.

He’ll have to wait for Grandma, cause she’s surfing on the net.

~~~

I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.

Golda Meir

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

We all need them

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

! 000 be-my-friend

One thing you will learn as you grow older is the importance of building friendships. In fact there is little in life that is more valuable than the people who have given us the gift of their friendship. They smooth the seas when times get rough, they provide solace during the dark days and often they accompany us to places we would have missed without their guidance.

I know I regret the years when my priorities where focused more on material success than personal enjoyment. But fortunately in the late sixties I took on a job that allowed me to spend more time with my family and to appreciate the good people I met. The highlights of my life over the last 50 years have been those experiences I have shared with others. To this day it is the people I have met and who I get to know and often spend time with that provide me with a happy life. That includes folks like you.

Sadly too many of us age and find our friends drifting away leaving behind only memories and loneliness. Too many times it is our unwillingness to get out and about where there are many folks who would love to be our friends if we would let them. The greatest reward of membership in OASIS, our local premiere senior organization is the friends we make there. Trust me there are new best friends out there just waiting for you to find them.

Here is an abridged article by Cherie Burdach that can help you be discovered as someone worth knowing.

 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

By Cherie Burbach

You know the old saying, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That’s especially true when it comes to meeting potential new friends. Turn someone off the first time you meet them and they may never feel comfortable getting to know you as a friend again.

Even after you get past the first impression, you need to show the very best version of yourself as you continue to get to know them. New friendships can be derailed easily because the other person doesn’t know how to put all your quirks and unique habits in perspective yet. To make a new friendship flow more easily, here are a few tips.

Project Body Language That Invites Conversation

Let people know you’re interested in making friends with your body language. Make eye contact, smile, and stand erect with your arms at your side. Don’t cross your arms or look down at the floor, because this does not encourage conversation. With open body language, you’ll automatically invite people into your personal space.

Be a Great Listener

Listen to people. Too often, when we meet someone new we listen to them just long enough until we think of something we want to say. Rather than fully hearing someone, we’re getting tidbits here and there. Not fully listening means that you’re not letting the bond develop between you and your new friend.

Compliment Others

Look for things you like in people, and tell them. Let people know you appreciate them and then let others know as well. If you use this approach each time you meet people, you’ll automatically attract more friends to you then if you were gossiping about them instead.

Invite Conversation While Waiting in Line

If you’re stuck somewhere in line, at the doctor’s office, or the like, use the time to chat with other people. Too often we just get frustrated when there is a delay and we don’t enjoy the opportunity that has been presented us. Be positive and make the best of it. You may win a friend in the process. Here are some ice breakers when you’re making small talk with strangers.

Approach the Quiet and Shy People in a Group

Pay attention to the shy folks who don’t say much. There are always a few people in every social gathering that just seem to hang back and silently watch others. They may be introverted or just shy, and as a result they’re probably not getting the same attention as the more vocal people in the room. If you see someone like this, seek them out and say hello. They’ll be glad you did.

~~~

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.”

  1. S. Lewis

~~~

A elderly man from Minsk was having trouble getting on the train to Pinsk.  His arms held at right angles to his body.  The hands extending in front of him were separated by several inches of air. Moishele, also traveling to Pinsk, helped the man on the train and kept an eye on him throughout the journey. The hands never moved, and on helping the man out of the carriage Moishele couldn’t resist asking what ailment the man must have for his arms being so rigid.

“Oh, nothing is wrong my boy.  My wife wants a pair of shoes and this is her size.”

~~~

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

~~~

The teacher said, “Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?”

All the kids looked baffled by the question except Little Johnny, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.  The teacher said, “Johnny, how many seconds are there in a year?”

Little Johnny said, “Twelve . . . January second, February second, March second . . .”

~~~

It was such a small town that we didn’t even have a village idiot.  We had to take turns.

~~~

When the office printer´s type began to grow faint, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer’s manual and doing the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it’s my boss´s idea,” the employee replied. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

~~~

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

~~~

During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: “Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone.” Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to the judge that paramedics were on their way.

Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and explained, “I was thinking someone from maintenance!”

~~~

Never shall I forget the times I spent with you; continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours.

Ludwig van Beethoven

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Join Me?

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Peter F. Drucker

 ! 000 we-can-do-it

I hibernated over this past weekend as our city worked through sub-zero arctic weather. In fact it was actually warmer in Alaska than where I live on at least one day. There was a benefit however, I ended up with time to get some things done that have been gathering dust while waiting for me to do what needed to be done.

A good portion of the time was spent mentally working through a possible theatrical presentation that may be offered to the public which would give them a glimpse of how we could develop a more nurturing community. None of us can change the world but some of us can build more friendly and supporting neighborhoods, and more of us can even help make our city an even better place to live.

Turning dreams into reality can be a daunting task but trying to offers us all a chance to reap shared rewards. It seems to me that we need to build bridges and not walls between ourselves. I would love to see us concentrate on our common interests rather than letting our differences drive us apart. Just think what it would be like if we lent our hands, hearts and minds in a common effort to solve our problems while enhancing our communities.

The good news is that none of us have to wait; we can redirect the energy so many of us put into finding someone to blame and apply it to building friendships. We can start by setting a good example for our children; it is a terrible way to begin a life if all a child hears from elders are complaints and hateful observations.

It may not seem like much but it is a start and we may never find the limit on what we can do, but I know one thing, nothing will get better if we don’t start. Here is a story that I think is worth reading.

Start With Yourself

Author Unknown

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

The above words are said to be written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey in London, England.

~~~

With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.

Dalai Lama

~~~

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, “My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.”

The other woman said, “Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”

“My word,” the first mother said. “You must be so proud.”

“I am,” the second mother replied. “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”

~~~

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.

Chaim Weizmann

~~~

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”

“Good,” said the captain, “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.”

~~~

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A friend said that an acquaintance of hers is a deputy with the sheriff’s department canine unit.

One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek.

Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building:

“Veterinarian’s Office.”

~~~

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.

Garrison Keiller

~~~

As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight a flight attendant announced, “We’d like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot.  He’ll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop.”

The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop.  Still, the passengers applauded.  Then the attendant’s voice came over the intercom, “Thanks for flying with us. And don’t forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best.”

~~~

Your karma just ran over my dogma.

~~~

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75.’ …

If his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’…

If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add …’Each.’

~~~

Follow your dreams and use your natural-born talents and skills to make this a better world for tomorrow.

Paul Watson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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