Ray's musings and humor

Enjoy the holiday

Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed – else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

! 0000000 enjoy_your_holiday

July is here already and 2015 is half gone. July not only brings the high heat of summer to my country it also will ring in our annual celebration of the US’s Independence during our July 4th national holiday. All over America people will be enjoying picnics, festivals, fireworks and much more. But our Independence Day is not the only special thing in July, you see it is also:

  • Air-Conditioning Appreciation Days – At this time of year I really do appreciate it. I don’t know how we did it with no air-conditioning when I was growing up.
  • Cell Phone Courtesy Month – Be nice to your phone?
  • Independent Retailer Month – Are there any left?
  • National “Doghouse Repairs” Month – While I am frequently in the dog house my wife won’t tell me where it is.
  • National Grilling Month – I think they mean food preparation and not police questioning.
  • National Ice Cream Month and Hot Dog Month. − I don’t recommend mixing them together; rather they taste better one after the other.
  • National Make A Difference to Children Month – This is something Kiwanis Clubs do year round.
  • National Vacation Rental Month – How do you rent a vacation? Can you rent one in Nepal? Does someone go for you?

~~~

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.

William Faulkner

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.

~~~

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

~~~

The district attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”

The foreman answered, “Insanity.”

The D.A. said, “All twelve of you?”

~~~

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

~~~

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

  • On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
  • On landing the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
  • “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
  • “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
  • After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
  • In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child… pick your favorite.
  • Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
  • Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

~~~

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

~~~

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill’s wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, “What’s the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now.”

Bill said, “Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole.”

“My God, honey!” said the wife, rushing to comfort him. “That must’ve been terrible!”

“It was,” he said. “All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again…”

~~~

We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.

~~~

Her mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty… They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

~~~

Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.

Samuel Johnson

~~~

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.

“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

“Nine…”

~~~

“Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

~~~

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick’s curiosity was aroused. “You,” he called. “You there.”

The prisoner looked up. “Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Why are you here?”

“Armed robbery, Your Majesty.”

“And are you guilty?”

“Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment.”

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, “Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it.”

~~~

How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy.

Paul Sweeney

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Good Luck

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

John Wooden

! 0000000 Best-Of-Everything

I was at the eye doctor yesterday discussing some impending eye surgery that I will have done later this month. He talked about some of my health history may require some unusual techniques during the procedure. I shared with him that I have long ago learned that what is is what is and that rather than my trying to change reality it is better to adjust to it.

I listen to so many people these days complaining about everything from the weather to today’s society. I have often thought about how much better their life would be if they rechanneled their energy to doing something positive for themselves rather than fighting things they can’t change.

As life goes on we all run into adversity, some of us just accept it, do the best we can and then move on. The trouble is that too many of us don’t explore alternatives, as an example there is no better time to curl up in a chair and read than when there is a storm raging outside.

Here is a story by an unknown author that demonstrates what thinking outside the box can do.

Don’t Change the World

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather. Definitely, this would need thousands of cows’ skin, and would cost a huge amount of money.

Then one of his wise servant dared himself to tell the king, “Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money ? Why don’t you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet ?”

The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a “shoe” for himself.

There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story : to make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself – your heart; and not the world.

~~~

Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got.

Art Buchwald

~~~

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he’d dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, “Listen, ‘sir’, its real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn’t come out even, don’t open the hatch.”

~~~

Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

~~~

In Miami, the jurors in a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against the tobacco industry were ordered by the judge to not see the movie “The Insider”, because it might influence their verdict. He also ordered them not to see “The House on Haunted Hill”.

The prosecutor was surprised to hear this instruction and he said “I understand why you’ve instructed the jurors to not see ‘The Insider’, but why should they avoid the second movie, your honor?”.

Being quick and to the point, the judge firmly stated “Because it stinks!”

~~~

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.”

Karen Lamb

~~~

She was trying to get her seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. “How would you feel,” she asked, “if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn’t you be a bit scared?” “Nah,” one boy answered, “I’d just figure it was my sister’s date.”

~~~

Home is where you can say anything you like ’cause nobody listens to you anyway.

~~~

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death’s door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered. On the third day the had the old fellow up and the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him, no matter what.

After a fortnight, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time.

“Oh no, doctor, you don’t understand,” they said, “Our father hasn’t walked in over a year!”

~~~

There’s one thing you can always give to the person who has everything, and that’s the closet space to keep it.

~~~

The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.

It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together without even reading instructions.”

“To tell the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read, and when you can’t read, you’ve got to think.”

~~~

“If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing anything for anybody.”

Malcom Bane

~~~

Jewish Mothers don’t differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons.  One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, “My Irving has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing.”

~~~

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

Joseph Campbell

~~~

The woman applying for the job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

“Look miss,” said the foreman. “Do you have any experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter if fact, yes!” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”

~~~

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.

Jim Rohn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.

Matt Cameron

! 0000000 be-positive

The comment I get most from the readers of the Daily is that they appreciate that the tenor of what they find is generally positive. It is not that I feel excessively optimistic always, it is just that I find little use in dwelling on the negatives, especially when there is nothing I can do change what is.

I totally subscribe to the old adage that it is useless to cry over spilt milk, especially since getting another bottle is little more than an inconvenience. Each of us has the capacity to adjust to deal with the challenges we find in our lives but things won’t get better unless we are willing to adjust. Here is an edited article that I got from an internet blog that suggests how we can become more positive. I am sorry I don’t know who wrote it

5 Ways Of Finding Positivity In Times Of Trial

I would consider myself a positive person — I like to look for the good in everything. But when life gets hard, staying positive becomes a challenge. Problems come in all shapes and sizes and no one person’s are more important than another’s. Though your emotions can’t turn on a dime and it’s unhealthy to push down what you’re really feeling, the following five points have helped me remain positive through challenging times:

Adjust your perspective: When times get tough it’s easy to sink into negativity and dwell on the unfortunate circumstances. When I lost someone close to me, I grieved and would find myself thinking only of how much I was going to miss them in my life. Yes, grieving is very healthy and necessary but I decided to change my perspective and begin to think of all of the beautiful memories we shared and how they shaped my life. You can also change your perspective by seeking solutions and taking calculated risks; if you can identify the problem, you will likely find a solution. For example, when I moved to NYC I battled times of loneliness, which would often lead to negative thoughts. I would combat them by taking risks: Attending music shows or exploring museums by myself, not to necessarily meet anyone, but to simply change my perspective. Have faith that changing the way you look at tough situations will lead to more positivity in your life.

Do something nice for someone else: There really is no better feeling than doing something kind for another person. Giving to others is a surefire way for me stay positive in challenging times. There are many different ways to extend yourself to those around you: Start with a simple “hello” or smile at a stranger, lend an ear without judgement to a friend, bring coffee to your co-workers on Monday morning. You’ll be amazed at how giving and helping others really actually helps you.

Notice, capture, and release negative thoughts: My dad once taught me that recognizing negative thoughts is half the battle. The other half is choosing to release those thoughts. As humans, it’s easy to dwell in negativity but once you notice yourself thinking poorly, you have a choice to capture that thought, release it, and choose a positive one. It’s a difficult thing and one that will take practice but I guarantee that you are strong enough to choose positive thoughts.

Do what you love! In times of trouble, don’t forget what you love to do and go do it! If you love music, turn it up! Get outside and hike, breathe the fresh air and look at the beauty around you! If you’re an active person, then by all means go take a run… dance… surf. When you get back to doing the things you love, your spirit is lifted and you radiate positivity.

Don’t be too hard on yourself: Unreasonable expectations can take a toll on your mindset. It’s important to give yourself a break sometimes. Forgiving others is an important aspect to staying positive but don’t forget to forgive yourself too!

~~~

You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.

Joyce Meyer

~~~

Four-year-old Little Johnny asked, “Mummy, where do babies come from?

“The stork, dear.” replied Johnny’s Mom.

“Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?” Asked Little Johnny.

Johnny’s mother answer, “The police, dear.”

“Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?”

“The fire department, dear.”

“Mummy, where does food come from?”

“Farmers, dear.”

“Mummy?”

“Yes, dear?”

“What do we need Daddy for?”

~~~

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

~~~

Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well planned life?”

“Oh yes,” said her friend.. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I’m married to an undertaker.”

Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?”

“One for the money, two for the show. three to get ready and four to go”

~~~

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

~~~

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”

He replied, without hesitation, “No ma’am, that won’t be necessary.”

“How come?” asked the woman.

“Crooks don’t buy peat moss.” answered the clerk.

~~~

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

~~~

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, “Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?”

The boy baby quickly chirps up, “I’m a boy baby!”

“How can you tell?” asks girl baby.

“Easy,” says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. “See…..blue booties”

~~~

Some people hate getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it 3-4 times a day.

~~~

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off when a salesman runs up to him and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!”

The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it”?

“It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!”

“Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water”?

“No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, it detects where the shore is and spins towards it.”

“Well, what if you hit it into the woods”?

“Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound and you can find it with your eyes closed.”

“Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark”?

“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!”

The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it”?

“I found it.”

~~~

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.”

Dennis P. Kimbro

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Life goes on

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

Soren Kierkegaard

! 0000000 reality-sign

As I reported earlier the Kiwanis International 100th Anniversary convention was held in my city last week. It was a five day event filled with learning, service and entertainment opportunities. The convention included representatives of all the Kiwanis family of clubs from the youth clubs to the clubs serving the retired. Unfortunately some of the activities were limited due to the rain that has been plaguing our city recently, in fact I was wondering if we should not have had an arc building service project since even more is on the way in the days ahead.

This was an event I was looking forward to for months. Not only was I going to get an update on the good works being done around the globe, I was also going to renew old friendships with Kiwanis leaders, folks I had served with when I was on staff working with our members and UNICEF on our organizations first worldwide service project that has been called one of the greatest public health successes of all time.

Unfortunately my body was not up to the task and I had to leave the convention after spending only a few hours on Thursday after attending three short sessions. The long walk from the place I had to park to the convention exhibit area had taken its toll. At 11 AM I was already worn out and had to slowly return to my car and go home to bed. I only got to see a few of my old friends and missed many more. I received a number of e-mails wondering where I was but a scheduled medical procedure and low energy kept me from any other Kiwanis activities. It worked out that with my registration fees and a few other convention related expenses I paid more than three hundred dollars to not get to see everyone I wanted to meet.

I have discovered as we age we must learn to live with our own realities. While I was disappointed that things did not work out as I had planned, I did get to put in an appearance, I did get to greet some valued old friends and I was able to go when so many of my contemporaries have passed on or are too infirm to do much. So life goes on as it always does, the world did not end and my day to day life continues to satisfy and that isn’t bad.

~~~

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis

~~~

“Money”

It can buy a House   But not a Home

It can buy a Bed   But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock   But not Time

It can buy you a Book   But not Knowledge

It can buy you a Position   But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine   But not Health

It can buy you Blood   But not Life

It can buy you Sex   But not Love

So you see, money isn’t everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend. I am your Friend, and as your Friend, I want to take away your pain and suffering… So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

~~~

Your temper is one of your most valuable possessions. Don’t lose it.

~~~

George set out on a very windy night to see his friend Sam, who was sick in bed. Hours later, George dragged his weary body into Sam’s house, and collapsed on the couch, exhausted. “I’ll tell you,” George said, when he had caught his breath, “it was just brutal. For every step I took forward, I fell back two.”

“So how did you ever make it over here?” Sam asked.

“Well,” George replied, “after a while I decided to give up, so I turned around and headed for home.”

~~~

I miss our phone calls. But it seems like ever since you got Caller ID you’re never home.

~~~

She said, you know it’s a bad date when:

You order a Double Whopper and he says, “Hey, my name ain’t Rockefeller, honey!”

You’ve never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.

Your dinner reservations are under, “Loser, party of 2.”

Calls to tell you he’ll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.

He’s been on Jerry Springer, twice.

~~~

“Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.  The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.  While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.  The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

“I can’t stand this,” said the man, tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

“Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?”

“Well, we work for the county,” one of the men said.

“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything.  Aren’t you wasting the county’s money?”

“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.

“Normally there’s three of us …  me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.  Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean that Mike and me can’t work.”

~~~

Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.

~~~

A woman went to doctors office.  She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.  An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained.

He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you?  Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was *pregnant*?”

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.  “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t I?

~~~

In a fight between you and the world, back the world.

~~~

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single!

~~~

There’s no remaking reality… Just take it as it comes. Hold your ground and take it as it comes. There’s no other way.

PHILIP ROTH

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”

! 0000000 crushing-disappointment

I am somewhat disappointed that my Kiwanis International Convention plan has not worked the way I wanted it to. While I knew I did not have the stamina to participate in many of the activities, especially the night time events, I did think I could handle being there all day yesterday but I was wrong.

My primary goal was to say hello to a number of the Internationals leaders who I had worked with over the years as this would be my last chance to see them. By the time I parked yesterday morning and walked to the convention centers main hall I was already worn out. I did attend three short sessions in the morning and did see some of the people I had hoped to visit with, but I missed a lot more. My plan was to eat lunch and then attend some more sessions in the afternoon hoping to see some more friends and to visit with a Washington Government relations friend that was flying in later in the day.

I was totally fatigued as I worked my way to lunch and had to abort my plan for the day and drive home. When I got home I fell asleep for three hours.

I am going to try to go down again this morning early but I will not be able to stay long as I have to report to the hospital by midday for my weekly intravenous pumping of iron into my system. I will not be available any other time this week so today will be my last chance to thank the folks who have helped make the world a better place before they leave.

This all will provide me another chance to demonstrate my ability to handle disappointment. I will have seen some I wanted to see, the world won’t end and life will go on. One of the lessons I have learned in recent years is that things often don’t go the way we want them to, but we can pick ourselves up and go on. This I will do again and I can always revisit the memories of times with my friends so they will always remain appreciated in my mind.

Friendships

Friends will

Come and friends

Will go.

 

The seasons

Change and it

Will show.

 

I will age and so will

You.

 

But our

Friendship stays

Strong and true.

~~~

The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.

Robert Kiyosaki

~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

~~~

You’re getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

~~~

A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, “Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?”

To which Jack replied, “The holes are numbered!”

~~~

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

~~~

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:

Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”

Yetta: “Vell…. I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what’s there but such a beautiful car…..a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for a dinner…Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Then we go see a show….let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!”

Sadie: “Oy! Vey.so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?”

Yetta: “No… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”

~~~

There’s a wonder in the way we’re always free. To change the world by changing how we see.

~~~

An artist was traveling in New Hampshire in search of a scenic spot for a vacation. He stopped in a roadside store and asked a farmer about the place. “Is there any interesting scenery up your way?” he asked.

“Not much,” the farmer said. “Across the road you can see our neighbor’s barn, but beyond that you can’t see anything but mountains for 30 miles!”

~~~

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.

Gilda Radner

~~~

One day a farmer died.  His elderly widow was always bedridden and very depressed.  Their son tried everything he could think of to cheer her up but nothing worked.   He spoke to the doctor and was told a shot of whiskey would perk her up some and should be given to her nightly. This would make it easier for her to sleep at night and should make her better humored each day that passed.

But the son knew his mother didn’t believe in liquor. So the doctor told him to put it in her food or drink. So the boy went home and put the whiskey in her milk. That night she slept like a baby and woke up feeling wonderful.  Each evening she had her shot of whiskey and milk and woke the following morning feeling more and more cheerful.

When the boy suggested one day that they sell the farm and move closer to the city, his mother said, “Son, you can do anything you want to, but DON’T SELL THAT COW!”

~~~

“If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn’t have to advertise them.”

Will Rogers

~~~

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

Joel Osteen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Thank you UNICEF

I feel that the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life is to be associated with UNICEF.

Danny Kaye

! 0000000 James Kiberd

James Kiberd

I am off to the Kiwanis International Convention early this morning so I am again sending you a Daily from years past. Hopefully I will generate a new one tomorrow as I will have to skip the convention for some medical stuff. Ray

Ray’s Daily first published on June 25, 2001

I just learned from my friend Susan Keith, that her husband James Kiberd is putting aside his brushes and palette for a week or so to temporarily replace a major character on “As The World Turns” (the show that won Best Show and lots of other Emmys this year). James will play “Hal Munson”, a cop with a dry sense of humor. After all the time James played Detective Trevor Dillon this will be a cakewalk. With James’ art exhibits, theatre, and TV work he still donates all kinds of time and effort to children. He has been a great friend of UNICEF and Kiwanis. I have enjoyed the time we have spent together in support of the UNICEF/Kiwanis global project. For all you fans, I will let you know when the episodes will air as soon as I hear.

~~~

Lewis provides us some additional wisdom:

  • Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand.
  • Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
  • Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect, it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.

~~~

It’s a proven fact that zipping up a small child’s snowsuit will cause him/her to wet her pants.  There is no known cure for this.

~~~

Signs You’re Broke

American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”

Long distance companies don’t call you to switch.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You give blood everyday…just for the orange juice.

McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

~~~

Give a man a fish and he eats for one day. Teach a man how to fish and he’s gone every weekend!

~~~

Some answering machine favorites:

“I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember.  I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself.  Thanks.”

“Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.   We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.”

“You know what I hate about answering machine messages?  They go on and on and on and on, wasting your time.   I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.”   That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short.  I pledge to you, my caller that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me…”

“Hello, this is Douglas.  I’m not home right now, but I can take a message.  Hang on a second while I get a pencil.”  (background noise –open a drawer and shuffle stuff around)  “Okay, what would you like me to tell me?”

~~~

When my grown children complain about the way they were raised, I always tell them that we did the best we could with what we had to work with.

~~~

After a long day on the course, the exasperated golfer turned to his caddie and said, “You must be the absolute worst caddie in the world.”

“No, I don’t think so,” said the caddie.

“That would be too much of a coincidence.”

~~~

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn’t mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. “A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry,” she told him.

“Really?” asked the boyfriend, “And just how many men are you intending to marry?”

~~~

There are bigger things in life than money — bills, for instance.

~~~

Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard. His wife ran over sobbing, “Benny! Benny, what happened?!”

“Madam, please don’t get hysterical,” said the lifeguard.

“I’m just going to give your husband some artificial respiration and he’ll be fine.”

“What!” Mrs. Cohen yelled. “My Benny gets either real respiration or nothing at all.”

~~~

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re in need of improvement.

~~~

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”

“That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!”

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.  “Well, dear, what exactly did he say?” asked the husband.

“He said the reflector is broken,” replied the Amish lady.

“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?” asked the husband.

The wife replied, “I’m not sure, Jacob . . . Something about the emergency brake.”

~~~

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I’m also not blonde. -Dolly Parton

~~~

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.

“I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”

“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

~~~

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Helen Keller

! 0000000 old-friendship

As I reported yesterday Kiwanis Members from all over the world are gathering in Indianapolis this week for our annual convention. There will be a lot of celebrating since it is the organizations 100th anniversary but there will also be a lot of work done. Members of all ages from the various Kiwanis youth and adult clubs will donate time and energy to help make our city a little brighter. They also will feed and entertain many of my fellow citizens during a couple of public events.

But of greater importance will be their planning and commitment to continue to serve the children of the world through service. Millions of kids lead better and healthy lives because of what Kiwanians in all parts of the world have done to meet the needs of children.

Unfortunately I don’t move as fast as I once did and health problems have frequently restricted my activities of late requiring me to sit on the sidelines and cheer for my fellow members as they do good work. What I will be able to do this week though is to renew old friendships. When I was on the Kiwanis International staff and I had the good fortune to work with folks all over the globe, people who became friends. I cannot overstate how much I have appreciated them all and how much I look forward to seeing many again.

Here is a story that could have been written about me. I don’t know who wrote it but I like it.

Old Friends Forever

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost friend… I will.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.

I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

~~~

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.

Baltasar Gracian

~~~

A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor’s benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder.

“Well,” commented one of the mourners, “sounds like she got where she was going.”

~~~

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.  On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”

Steven Wright

~~~

When visiting the senior center I heard him say:

I’m the life of the party……  even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over…

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.

I’m so cared for — long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not really grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, …somewhere.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…….

And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I’m a walking storeroom of facts…..  I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.

~~~

I heard that there is a sign taped to the women’s room mirror at my old office that reads:

“Objects in this mirror are MUCH prettier than they appear.”

~~~

He said: One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible. This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

My child immediately raised his hand and said, “It means Daddy’s cooking dinner.”

~~~

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”

~~~

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, “Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?”

“I didn’t even see her,” admitted Mr. Peterson.

“And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing,” continued Mrs. Peterson, “Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said Mr. Peterson.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped Mrs. Peterson.  “A lot of good it does you to go to church.”

~~~

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

Henri Nouwen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 376 other followers